[This is satire]
Pamela Geller slumps sullenly over her laptop as she glides her mouse pointer over the “Confirm Delete” popup and clicks “OK.” A blog post entitled “More Death for Sharia Law” vanishes from the screen. “This was going to be my material for at least a week,” she laments, “I guess I can write a few more posts about London until something else comes up.”
All over the right wing blogosphere, there is a gloomy silence as thousands of bloggers, commentors, and pundits realize that they will not be able to exploit the tragic death of five people in Orlando to whip up anti-Muslim and anti-immigrant hatred.
“I heard ‘Orlando’ and immediately thought that another Muslim had gone on another shooting rampage,” said Jim Hoft, known alternately as “The Gateway Pundit” and “the stupidest man on the Internet.” Hoft, one of the most consistently wrong right-wing bloggers, famously came out as gay after the shootings at the Pulse nightclub. “Obviously, I didn’t want to let everyone know that I’m something they all hate, but I thought, `Hey, what if I could get just a few liberal gay people to hate Muslims enough to vote for Donald Trump, isn’t it worth it?’”
Notably punchable neo-Nazi Richard Spencer remained hopeful. “They haven’t released any details about the shooter yet, so hopefully he’ll turn out to be black. If he’s a white guy, we’re going to have to ignore this. What a waste.”
All of the bloggers interviewed for this article agreed that is would be disastrous for all Americans to realize that they are much more likely to be killed by a white Christian male in a mass shooting than by a Muslim in any form of violence. All of them feared it could lead to sensible gun safety laws and support for subsidized mental health care. In the words Erick E. Erickson, who frequently embarrasses CNN by appearing on it, “Liberals talk about a right to mental health care, but that’s not in the Constitution. The right to keep and bear arms is. If we’re going to serve the mentally ill in this country, we need to ensure their Second Amendment rights are honored, and it isn’t constructive to focus on the daily incidence of mass shootings.”